The term ‘Bad First Date’ is a phrase that fills some people with dread but in reality, it can be just the thing to uncover someone waiting just around the corner, help others dodge a bullet and find the one who they want to make hilarious ‘mistakes’ with instead of fearing them. Read on to find out why.
First Dates are a big part of dating – the biggest, in fact. But what if it goes wrong? Well, it might not be the worst thing in the world but the best.
The first date comes with a variety of emotions for people. It doesn’t matter if they’ve been messaging online for weeks and this is the first meetup or if it’s a blind date, many of the same insecurities can enter people’s minds, no matter the situation.
Counsellors say Insecurities can massively affect how people approach first dates, making them feel worried, concerned or anxious as they check if the situation is okay. Thus severely limiting how much you can give your date on the first meeting as you see if you can trust the person you’re with. This is sometimes a good thing, though.
Relationship Counsellor Ian Wallace said: “In my twenty years of experience, insecurities on a first date aren’t necessarily negative. Insecurities keep us safe; they give us something to structure things with and perceive the world by, which is a positive. However, I think if you tip over into an unrealistic perspective of the world, then that anxiety can create its own set of insecurities.
“I think we need to keep the balance of checking if that person is okay, and then if they aren’t, we can react. Whilst also ensuring we’re not automatically assuming from the start they’re not going to be okay.”
The idea of a bad first date can fill people with dread and be a source of anxiety for them in the build-up to the date. One common worry could be they’ll make a mistake, embarrassing them or giving their date the dreaded ‘ick’.
Carson Neil-Smith, 21, from Regent Street, Kettering said: “I took a girl on a date to Odeon cinema which is obviously a quiet date. We had good chats beforehand, and the date was going well, so I tried to instigate a kiss. She was on my left side, which is my weaker kissing angle. I went in, and we both turned our heads the same way, rookie mistake. As I corrected my form, we banged front teeth, laughed it off, and went in again. This time her tongue hit the bottom of my chin and went to the middle of my eyebrows. I was nervous, so I went with it and did the same.
“We quickly realised it had gone wrong, so we stopped but proceeded to enjoy the rest of the film and laughed about it afterwards. It taught me that even though it was an embarrassing moment for both of us – a date killer usually, we had the compatibility and comfortability to laugh it off. We still enjoyed the date rather than let it become awkward, which could have happened had I been on the date with the wrong person.”
Another concern with dates might be if the person they’re going on a date with differs from what they expected. This could be because the attraction just isn’t there, or they are less charismatic than they were online.
Niamh Geddes, 21, from Unity Close, Wollaston said: “I matched with a guy on Tinder and only got the courage to message a few months after the initial match, and he asked to meet up that night. I had a free evening, so I agreed. So he arrives in his Audi, gets out and says, ‘I’m not taking you anywhere fancy because girls just use me for my money, so we are going to McDonald’s drive-through’. Weird thing to start with, but I was okay with that, so we went, had some food and had a relatively normal, friendly conversation.
“Then he randomly said to me, ‘You’ve got a giant forehead’, and I was in disbelief, but he kept making similar comments, so I told him I wanted to go home. He agrees and does so by driving 100 MPH back home to try and impress me. It didn’t, and we never spoke again. However, based on small things people say, I can now pick up red flags much quicker than I did before. Now I find the first dates I go on much less scary because I know how to better understand the person first. I make sure I always have an ‘out’ if I need it.”
First dates that go bad can have severe consequences, and we encourage everyone to ensure they have safety measures in place and to leave the date if they feel unsafe.
Dates can also end in rejection if the other person doesn’t feel the same way at the end, which can feel disappointing and upsetting in the moment. Dealing with rejection can look different to everyone.
Lydia Morris, 22, from Schoodic Road, Orono said: “I was nervous for a first date with a guy I’d met on Tinder. So I plucked up the courage to go on a date, and surprisingly, we were basically the same person and had an amazing time. I really liked him and wanted to pursue things. Then the next day, he told me he was still in love with his ex. So he decided to meet up with her to try and ‘rekindle their relationship’ but that I shouldn’t worry because if they were unsuccessful, then I was still an option. Lucky me!
“I obviously said that wasn’t going to work for me, so then he blocked me on everything. I was really disappointed and felt betrayed, but I had been speaking to someone else around the same time, so decided to go on another first date with him a few days later. It was an even better date, and we’re still together now. The bad experience helped me appreciate how much better Devin (my boyfriend) was, and all the disappointment went away. You never know who’s waiting just around the corner, and if I’d stayed with the first date, I might not be with Devin.”
So, if you’re going on a first date, you could be filled with dread that this will be the worst date ever. Of course, the likelihood is it won’t be, but if it is, then maybe that’s precisely what you need to turn the next one you go on into the best date of your life with someone who matches your vibe, doesn’t insult your forehead and isn’t in love with their ex.
Mr Wallace said: “People aren’t coming into dates with a clean sheet; you have all these preconceived ideas about what this experience will be like. So, I suppose when you’re meeting that person for the first time, you have to try to give it an opportunity for it to be different.”