In a modern-day world of swiping left and right, dating profiles are littered with buzzwords from love bombing, to icks and red flags – but is it finally time we waved goodbye to the popularised gen-z lingo?
The best way to sum up the dating world for the under 25s would be bloody confusing. From debriefs with friends dissecting the male species to within an inch of their life, to swiping to your heart’s content on Hinge and Tinder as if a game of hot or not, praying you don’t actually get asked out. Amid the confusion and chaos, the use of buzzwords in the dating world has become rife in 2023. Some of the most noteworthy are love bombing, gaslighting, red flags and my personal favourite – icks. Using sed terms when dating can give us a sense of validation that we weren’t in fact going loco when analysing Tinder boy Jake from Barnsley’s behaviour who’s sent our head west for one reason or another. However, is it time we established a fine line between when the awareness of these terms is beneficial, and when it may be hindering our dating prospects?
New statistics have revealed that those aged 18-24 are having less sex than ever. This highlights something quite stark in the dating world. Before you get ahead of yourself, sex without consent is NOT to be condoned, in the same breath, sex with consent but with someone you aren’t totally into doing the hanky panky with, is also not something to be encouraged. Although hey, if you’re young, wild and free and realise after last night’s one-night stand that the guy in your uni block was not in fact the spit of Timothee Chalamet, who’s really counting? In a seemingly sexless generation, obsessed with body counts and mostly cringed out at the concept of a real-life date, our approach is fundamentally flawed.
According to Cognitive Behavioural Therapist Sarah Benson, love bombing refers to the “action or practice of lavishing someone with affection or attention, especially in order to influence or manipulate someone”.
As a short disclaimer, when dating someone if you recognise that you are being ‘love bombed’, signalling potentially abusive, controlling or manipulative behaviour, you should get out immediately, and an increased awareness of these behaviours is extremely important for young women.
Sarah Benson said some common signs of love bombing can include: excessive flattery and praise, over-communication of their feelings for you and early intense talks about the future with you. 24-year-old Mollie Martyn from Hereford experienced a more subtle but equally legitimate form of love bombing that happened over a two-year period.
Usually avid Hinge dater Mollie dated a boy from sixth form who for anonymity’s sake we’ll call Matt, and throughout lockdown they texted every day. When meeting him in person for the first time she met his parents the same day, within two hours had met his Grandad, and was helping the family decorate the Christmas tree that evening. If engaging in festive family affairs wasn’t enough, amusingly, Mollie pointed out that she wore his Mums crocs – a classic sign of love bombing if I ever did hear one? While regularly meeting and going on dates, emulating that of a real relationship, Matt would speak about how much he liked Mollie, and talk about how excited he was for their future together. Mollie said: “It was really odd. It was quite literally like being in a relationship but without the label and clearly no intention of one. After it had gone on for two years I was really upset and to be honest drained after”.
When Mollie eventually cut things off in true 2000s romcom style asking the notorious question “what are we?”, she was met with utter disdain at the idea of their situationship being a relationship, and Matt’s intentions quickly became apparent. However, had Mollie met her date for the first time blind, would prior knowledge on love bombing tendencies have caused her to get rid sooner? Sarah Benson said: “Those potentially telling red flags are easier to spot when dating someone totally new, we tend to give those the benefit of the doubt that we already have a rapport with”.
A more light-hearted but equally widespread dating concept is icks. The term ‘ick’ although having existed for years, seeped into the subconscious of Gen-Z just a couple of years ago and was popularised through tik tok. Some of the most amusing icks posted by a user @lovefromtashaxo on tik tok were as follows: having food around their mouth, tripping over, tight trousers with no socks and running for the bus and missing it. The user said: “When they trip over it’s more the look back after you’ve tripped over, if you’re gonna trip, do it with your chest”. Commenting on tight trousers with no socks she said: “There’s a really sexy man at the school run but he just looks like he’s on his way to ballet unfortunately”.
So many of us jumped on the clearly comical trend, and the use of the term in this sense feels entirely harmless. However, it’s causing us girls to steer away from tackling the dating scene, due to wondering god knows what we might encounter on these dates that may provide our friends with some late-night amusement in the groupchat when unpacking a usually cringe-worthy first ordeal.
Mollie said she feels “exasperated” dating in 2023. She said she dismisses people before even meeting them due to too many of their texting habits causing her to get the ick. She said: “When you get to the point of meeting them you’ve actually almost got past the stage of finding the icks”. In true gen-z style, the humble emoji of course came into play as a prime tool for cringiness. Mollie said a boy’s frequent use of the laughing emoji would warrant the ick, alongside a simple thumbs up, or hearts “too early on”. Additionally, if a boy were to send a ‘good night text’ only to be woken up by a ‘good morning text’ the following day, she said it may signal that someone might be “needy and icky”.
Perhaps as women, we have become so accustomed to the grey Nike tracksuit-wearing, Snapchat-using man-child buffoons that now the sheer thought of an even minute romantic gesture has actually become repulsive in our heads. Sarah Benson said to actually ‘get the ick’ contrary to the plural ‘icks’ demonstrates something quite extreme. “Once you’ve got it, nothing will shake that feeling of physically wanting to recoil when that person comes near you”. Resounding across generations of daters, to ‘get the ick’ is an incredibly all-consuming feeling, and a prime example of dating discourse being a force for good when describing the indescribable. But the social media trend could lead men to feel unfairly scrutinised in the early stages of dating for simply existing – all I can say is no wonder we’re the most sexless generation.