Sex can be thrilling and daunting at the same time. However, along with sex are preconceptions that can be made, that are quite natural to think of.
Sex and Relationship therapist, Jim Reynolds helps negotiate expectations and the certain things you may want to consider before sleeping with somebody.
“When you’re meeting someone sexually for the first time, you’re not just meeting their body, you’re meeting all of their expectations about sex and they can be really different.
“Imagine a situation where maybe you could have a long-term relationship but your expectations of sex are different. So if you’ve got someone who’s watched a lot of porn and they think that’s what sex is and then you have someone who’s watched Twilight on repeat since they were teenagers, they might have a more romantic and far less hardcore view of sex.
“It could be that those people actually have the potential for a relationship but it might be so shocking to come across someone without processing those expectations first, it might be a bit of a shock to the system and think you can’t be with that person, you can work on your expectations, and what your erotic template is.
When discussing the Erotic Template, he explains exploring your own, and that of your partners’.
“Everyone has an erotic template they bring into the relationship, that can change but everyone starts at a certain place where they are erotically, and then a sudden meeting of mismatched templates could then prevent a relationship from happening. You don’t know, but that’s one way that perhaps that process of bonding could get interrupted.”
“It would be a way to introduce conflict quickly if you had an erotic mismatch. I mean one of the things to remember is that no relationship is ever 100%. A good relationship is sort of 70%. You’re not aiming for perfection. You’re always going to have to work on your sexual differences and that’s part of the process of a relationship and if those differences turn up in the first meeting, you won’t have the experience of that person to be able to negotiate it. You might be able to negotiate it, but you won’t know. It’s taking the chance. “
While sex is something that can be worked on to be more suitable to each other, Jim accounts for the fact that with patience and effort, two people can actually become more suited for each other sexually.
“Sex is not so much quantity as it is quality. And the quality you’re looking for is emotional quality. And what I mean by that is trusting that person and being confident in yourself. Being aware of any risks that you might be taking and being sure that your health is protected.”