Get to know about the feeling of being ghosted as well as ghosting yourself – and can you be excused for doing so?
Things are going great. You go on dates, have fun, and maybe your thoughts have started to wander a little and you start imagining seeing this person long-term. Bun then, the unexpected happens… Unanswered calls, being left on delivered, and on top of that, you noticed you have been unmatched. Sounds familiar? You probably have been ghosted.
Ghosting has become extremely popular in the age of dating apps, as when you unmatch someone, it means you will (probably) never meet them ever again. Easy, problem solved… or only temporarily? People reach for ghosting for numerous reasons, often to not face the other person and the responsibility it comes with. It doesn’t only apply to dating, as friends can ghost each other as well, even after a few years.
Daily Mail revealed that in a survey, 71 percent of people aged 18-25 admitted to unexpectedly ending all communication with a potential partner. What is more, 72 percent of Londoners have been ghosted, on average six times each. It’s a harsh world out there.
Tallulah Taylor had been seeing a guy from a dating app for four weeks before he ghosted her. “I spoke to him about ghosting before we even went on any dates and said I didn’t like it and appreciated honesty more. In the end, he didn’t listen. It was probably easier for him to ghost me than to deal with my feelings.”
Getting cut off is undoubtedly frustrating and makes you angry. It seems like a gentle way to end a relationship, but the radio silence can cause pain to the person being ghosted. “I don’t think I could have prevented this from happening, but I’ve noticed some less frequent messaging after we had sex the week before.” Tallulah admits “At first, I felt hurt and manipulated. I almost blamed myself for letting it happen. With time, it turned into more anger for him rather than regret in myself and my actions.”
It took a few weeks for her to move on. “I’ve tried messaging him on Instagram and texting before I realised he wasn’t going to respond. I’ve also attempted to drunk call him at least two times, but after that, I stopped reaching out for good. I had to remind myself that getting a response from him weeks later wouldn’t stop me from feeling hurt.”
So what to do when someone went off the grid and it looks like you’re never going to hear from them again? First of all, do not chase them. It will only push them further away and you will still feel attached to the situation. Take that as a goodbye, do NOT try and drunk stalk their Facebook profile and watch photos from sixth form their mum has published – ideally just delete their contact details indefinitely.
But there are situations when the best solution is to ghost. Autumn Whelan from London, UK has known her “ghosting victim” for a year and a half when she decided to block him completely and never reach out again. “I knew I deserved better as they weren’t respectful towards me or the relationship. One day I blocked him everywhere and my best friend was with me to support me and make sure it was done for good.” He then attempted to come to Autumn’s house twice and emailed her two times before he gave up and ceased contacting her.
“I don’t have any regrets as such but if I could go back in time, I would have done it a year earlier to stop me from being so hurt. I would also tell him I wish him all the best and hope he finds someone who makes him happy and who he can treat with respect.”
Cutting off a person doesn’t mean they never pop up in your head from time to time. “I still think about him every so often and wonder if things could have been different, but I’m also thankful for the experience and the lessons I learnt.” Autumn admitted. “I will never let a man take me for granted and if I feel like I’m being given less than I deserve, I’ll always walk away.”
Can you avoid being ghosted? Spoiler alert: not really. What can you do though is try and make sure you communicate on your end if you are no longer interested, or you have noticed some change in their behavior. Dating coach Ali Jackson advises you should call out ghosters. On her TikTok account, she says “It helps to denormalise the behavior and helps you practice boundary setting.” What is more, her no-ghosting scripts, ready to be used when you no longer feel like seeing them again, can be found on her website as well as her TikTok page.
This pretty upsetting event can be turned into a life lesson though. Tallulah admits that after she was ghosted, she learned how strong she is. “I am going to take up space in the world and be myself. If someone doesn’t appreciate that or can’t take it, then they’re not for me.”
Rejection is never easy but delivering it with respect speaks volumes. If you are the one being ghosted, it is okay to feel sad and angry. But use that as a learning experience and treat others how you would like to be treated.