Brian Howie, the host of “The Great Love Debate” podcast and tour, talks about all things dating, including how stepping outside of your comfort zone leads to dating success and why “not my type” is officially banned in dating.
Named “America’s Number 1 Dating Enthusiast” by Time Magazine, Brian Howie is one of the leading influencers in the dating world by furiously pushing the dialogue between men and women further. The 55-year-old, who is from New York, is currently living in Santa Monica, California and despite being named America’s Number 1 Dating Enthusiast by Time Magazine, Brian himself is still single!
However, his single status does not make him any less of a dating enthusiast, quite the opposite really. He experienced great success with his book How to Find Love in 60 Seconds in 2014, a nationally renowned relationship phenomenon that teaches women a unique step-by-step approach on how to take control of their dating fate and find love…in just 60 seconds!
Ohh how we wish it was that easy…
When touching on his inspiration behind writing the book, Brian says: “I had worked with, and been around, a lot of women who either didn’t recognize or didn’t want the power I felt they had when it came to their dating fates.
“I felt that women act and men react, yet the women were going about it the opposite way. Which ultimately led me to write a book like How to Find Love in 60 Seconds.”
Following the release of his book in 2014, Brian and his team set up what was meant to be a one night, exclusive, promotional event after his agent suggested he raise some of the questions that the book raises in a public, town-hall theatre style setting.
However, the event sold-out and was a massive hit, and soon after the Great Love Debate tour hit the road.
“It all blew up from there, we have now done 434 shows in 126 cities and 13 countries.
“And even though we might be travelling around to different cities and countries on tour, the aim always stays the same.
“And that is that the live conversations and questions we raise on love, sex, dating and relationships will make the audience learn and laugh, and who knows, might even make them fall in love.”
A year later, Brian released his first The Great Love Debate podcast episode, which has been the world’s Number 1 Dating and Relationship podcast since its debut in 2015.
Each week, he is joined in-studio by Celebrity Guests and dynamic voices to have conversations and raise questions on love, dating, and relationships in an attempt to answer the question “Why is everyone still single?”
The Great Love Debate has been the world’s #1 dating and relationship podcast since 2015
Despite his continuous efforts to help and inspire people worldwide to make positive change in their lives and take ownership of their personal growth, dating fate and long-term happiness through classes, courses, workshops, seminars, speaking engagements and live events, he is reluctant to call himself a “dating expert” and says there is “no such thing”.
He would rather call himself a “dating enthusiast”. “I believe the Times Magazine referred to me as America’s number one dating enthusiast because I have pushed the conversation about dating and between men and women further and more often than just about anyone else.
“And I feel that dating enthusiast is the perfect way to describe me, as I would like to think of myself as someone who is enthusiastic about dating and building connections.”
When asked why the conversation of dating and men and women is so important he says: “it is because it never ends, and we continue to grow, learn, share, and come together as a result of having these conversations.
“Raising questions is just as important as finding answers, because the questions lead to the dialogue, and the dialogue leads to the connection.
“Through my experience with both the Great Love Debate tour and podcast I have learned so much of our dating experiences, and relationships, and decisions are rooted in fear and pain from the past.
“That, and realising that almost all of our answers lie outside our comfort zone, and moving past that is where all the answers lie.”
Making an effort to step out of your comfort zone is one of Brian’s best pieces of advice for someone looking to enter the dating world, or for someone who is struggling with dating. “The answers almost always lie outside your comfort zone. Get rid of the words ‘Not my type. If you’re still single, you have no type, because that type hasn’t been working out for you!”.
A study by Pew Research Center shows that most daters say their dating lives are not going well and they find it difficult to find people to date. 67% say that dating is going “not too well” and “not at all well”, whilst 75% find dating to be “very/somewhat difficult”.
Brian encourages people to never stop searching for their true love or give up by saying “There is no one out there for me”. He says one of the biggest misconceptions about dating is that “it’s not worth the headache, or the effort or the pain”.
“Because it absolutely is. There is nothing that beats the excitement and the magic of clicking on a date, and exploring all the possibilities with a new partner.
In spite of the fact that it’s possible for your future wife to be the next person you swipe right on tinder, Brian encourages people to seek love and connections the more-or-less “old-fashioned” way.
“Just get out of the house! Love is not going to come knocking on your door. Get comfortable being around people of the opposite and same sex in a social setting. Go to public places, go to networking events, pursue hobbies, try to take classes.
“There are so many people in the exact same boat as you and all of them are outside your doors.”
Brian encourages people to seek love and connections the more-or-less “old-fashioned” way.
However, he emphasises on the fact that there are no essential rules to dating, one of the reasons why he doesn’t call himself a dating expert is because every situation and every relationship is different.
“The only rule is there shouldn’t be any rules. Do whatever feels right, and comfortable, and empowering for you.”
Dating can be challenging for anyone. It could be especially challenging for people who have gone through a breakup to then re-enter the dating world again.
Research and studies have been conducted to nail down the timeline for how long it takes for people to move on. A 2017 study found that 71% of people who had recently broken up with their partners felt better after about three months, but a different survey from 2017 conducted on around 2,000 people found that the timeline was closer to six months. In the case of divorces, however, a study discovered that it takes approximately 18 months for people to move on.
Brian is one of many who thinks that such studies should be taken with a grain of salt. “There is no template for how long it takes someone to get over a breakup because everyone’s situation is different. There is no specific standard.”
He claims in terms of knowing whether or not you’re over a breakup and ready to start dating again is “when you go 24 straight hours without thinking about the last person in any way that triggers emotions, good or bad, that’s when you are ready. If you can’t go one full day, wait until you can. It will be more fair to you, and then the next person.”
He further explains that relationships and break-ups can change a person, and that this could have an influence on how they approach dating post-breakup as well.
“Hopefully you learn from the relationship, and the experience, and you take lessons from it, and that you don’t carry the baggage or judgements into the next relationship.
“Every situation is different, give not only yourself but also the next person and the next situation, a fair shot at love.”
So for those who might think dating is hopeless, and that their true love is out-of-reach, America’s Number 1 Dating enthusiast has encouraging words for you that might give you the hope to find true love, back.
“Every day is a fresh start and a new opportunity. There are possibilities every single day, all around us, that you need to learn to recognize, act on, and don’t overlook. It only takes one!”