Going through a harsh breakup? Don’t worry you’re not alone!
Through the wave of social media, important parts of people’s lives are being shared with the world. With Instagram and tiktok notably, there seems to have been a surge in couples breaking up. While most of 2022 seems to have been just that, women being broken up with and heartbreak season, October and November seems to be the ‘peak of the season’, the end of the year and the beginning of this year seems to have created a frenzy of women making a comeback and ‘hating’ on their exes. Even celebrities seem to have hoped on the trend.
Miley Cyrus released a song about her ex on her ex’s birthday called ‘Flower’ which is just iconic. It describes their relationship and ultimately breakup in an empowering and feminist way. She puts forward the idea in her song that being single is a blessing and wonderful. Along with Shakira who also wrote a song exposing her ex-boyfriend who cheated on her and so many others. Breakups this year seem to have created a type of woman power that empower other women to feel okay and come out of their relationships stronger. A phenomenon that has also reached tiktok. Trend after trend is being created that people join in on exposing, mocking, and shaming their exes who have done them wrong. Most traits that keep coming back that men lack are their lack of communication skills, lack of patience, and the fact that they expect more from women than they give back.
All of this ‘badass’ energy from women is exhilarating to see and it is refreshing to finally see women understanding their worth and understanding that they don’t need men to be happy. While many women process breakups differently and at different paces, it is always almost sure that months have passed and they will have some wise words to share with other women.
Carys Goodley, a 21-year-old woman who became single after a toxic breakup with her ex-partner, is taking being single as a blessing in disguise and promoting it.
“I suppose for me personally, the biggest benefit of being single after a long-term relationship has been that it has allowed me to focus on my own needs, and prioritize my own well-being without feeling guilty. It gives you space and freedom to reassess your boundaries within and outside of relationships, and has given me the chance to learn things about myself I hadn’t realized before. I can put more energy into my own growth, which has been really helpful in getting over the breakup.”
“My advice to someone who is struggling would definitely be to try and fall in love with yourself instead. Take yourself out, spend time doing things you love, and be kind to yourself! It not only helps you get over the breakup but also gives you a solid foundation for future relationships. You know your boundaries, and you know your worth.”
Not only this, but many studies are coming out claiming that there seem to be more single men now because women have higher standards and will not settle for less anymore. Men need to step it up and stop acting like children. Their immature, childlike attitude will no longer cut it for most women. They are no longer interested in babysitting a grown man. Compared to 30 or 50 years ago, women are a lot more independent and more academically driven and seem to be making smarter decisions for themselves rather than staying in an abusive or toxic relationships.
Maybe it is because of a shift in women’s sexuality in our more recent world, that they feel empowered by themselves and their accomplishments and not waiting for men to do it for them, but women are showing the world, (and more specifically men who can’t keep a woman) that they want a high-quality man, someone who is mature enough to share their lives with; someone they can have a partnership with. Moreover, more women seem to be happier out of a relationship than in one, feeling more fulfilled, less stressed, and overall feeling more powerful.
Alice Mason, a 20-year-old who was in a relationship with her high school sweetheart shares her thoughts after a rough separation.
“I am feeling hopeful for the future. I feel like whilst I don’t regret my relationship, I think if I hadn’t been in it, I would be a different person, and I am looking forward to discovering that person. I would rather be by myself than be with someone and be unhappy just because theirs a big stigma around the word ‘alone’. But when I say I am alone, I am single, I don’t mean it in an ‘I’m looking for someone’, or that I am lonely. I am perfectly content being a whole individual by myself. And now I can put all my time and love into myself.”
She says that for anyone who may feel the way she felt a few months ago when everything was happening, being alone may be scary but there is nothing wrong with it.
“I think that when the breakup from someone toxic initially happens, it can feel like the end of the world, but it honestly is not. One person is never going to be your entire universe. You were born alone, you have done so many things in life by yourself, so ultimately being by yourself isn’t failure.
Instead of spending money on someone who acts like they don’t care about me, I would rather spend it on myself. Why would I want to mother someone when I can mother myself.”
Breakups are processed differently from person to person, and even more from woman to man. The process, accept and healing differently. A lot of women come out of their relationships wanting independence and loving the idea of being single. They got over their ex-partner emotionally weeks or months before. It is the idea of ‘planning’ a breakup, a trend that rose in tiktok where people would admit to lessen the blow when the final split came, they allowed themselves to emotionally get over their partner while still being together. Quite frankly not a stupid idea, given you would be thriving a few days after your breakup when he was still the one who did you wrong.
Other women took a lot longer to heal, the breakup taking a big hit on their mental and physical well-being but ultimately coming out stronger.
Lucy Gravil, a 21-year-old student had been in a long-term relationship for the whole of her whole university years. She speaks about her breakup and new-found single life with some hurt but mostly trying to appreciate everything it taught her.
“I think the breakup had been coming for a while because we had been arguing and I was wanting to keep trying cause I thought the issues that we had were fixable and he didn’t which I now realize is okay.”
“At the time it really upset me, I was really down for a month and I couldn’t see past it. And I still feel that way a little bit. I tried processing the breakup by spending time with friends, allowed myself to feel upset. I gave myself time and patience. When I get upset, I try to add logic to the situation and it helps put things in perspective as to why we are no longer together.”
She offers some insight on being single after a long-term relationship, and how to appreciate it even though you may very well be in pain.
“It is definitely weird being single after such a long time being in a relationship, you don’t have that person that you can message all the time anymore and tell them about random stuff. But at the same time, it’s nice because you learn to appreciate those things by yourself more and realize you can do it all by yourself.”
Lucy says that the best advice she could offer to anyone who is in the situation she found herself in months before, or who could not see the end of the tunnel, was that time heals all wounds.
“You need to give it time. I know everyone says that but time really does heal. The closer you are to the breakup, the harder it is because you can’t see that there cannot be something between you and them. But time allows you to have hindsight and recognize that the situation you were in wasn’t healthy for you. And you can look back on things in a more mature kind of way. With time you learn to appreciate being by yourself more, loving the independence it gives you. Being single doesn’t have to be a bad thing. On the contrary, it’s very fulfilling to focus on yourself and put all your energy back into making yourself better.”
You can be happy without being in a relationship. The fact is, if you need a relationship or a partner to be fulfilled and happy, you are doing it wrong. You will never be fully happy.